Jennifer Gray is done pleasing people.
The 62-year-old ‘Dirty Dancing’ actress is reclaiming her story and no longer “fears the disappointment or discomfort of others,” Gray told USA TODAY.
In his new memoir “Out of the Corner” (Ballantine, 352 pp., available now), Gray takes readers on a candid tour of his life and career, from his breakout performance in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” , which stars her ex-fiancé, Matthew Broderick, in the role of “Dirty Dancing” who changed everything, through his season 11 victory on “Dancing With the Stars”, sharing lessons on heartbreak, the self-esteem and family. “The story we tell is so much more powerful than we realize,” she says.
At the heart of Grey’s memoir is resilience. “There is always a way out,” she says. “And if you can see how you were the architect of your own adversity, then you can be the architect to get yourself out of hell.”
As she tried to find her place in Hollywood, the daughter of Oscar-winning actor Joel Gray (“Cabaret”) and actor Jo Wilder had some big shoes to fill. Gray dealt with naysayers and a relentless industry that was not ready to accept women who looked like her, she writes. Gray didn’t want to budge, but his mother agreed, advising him at a young age that a nose job would be the key to success in Hollywood.
But Gray is not limited to rhinoplasty and the famous line “No one puts baby in a corner” from “Dirty Dancing”.
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In “Out of the Corner,” Gray recounts in a refreshing way what it is and how it was, appropriating his experiences in a lighthearted and sometimes heartbreaking way. And like any celebrity memoir writer, she’s also part of the circle of Hollywood stars she’s ventured with.
Gray writes about his “fierce cheerleader” Madonna, as the “Like a Virgin” singer dealt with a messy divorce from Sean Penn, and Gray picked up the pieces of her rocky relationship with Broderick (Penn even left Gray an angry voicemail after warning Winona Ryder about him, she wrote). As they both ventured into “single woman,” Madonna threw Gray a “bitch party” where she invited a “sexy ace (expletive)” Alec Baldwin as a surprise birthday present (she later dated Baldwin’s brother, William, or “Billy”, as she calls him).
She also opens up about her complicated feelings for two-time co-star Patrick Swayze, a tragic car accident with Broderick in Ireland that killed two others before the premiere of “Dirty Dancing”, followed by her brief but intense relationship – and her engagement – to Johnny Depp and later meeting husband Clark Gregg, with whom she shares 20-year-old daughter Stella.
But again, Grey’s memoir goes beyond the clickbaity headlines.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
Question: What prompted you to write “Out of the Corner”?
Jennifer Grey: This book is a deep dive into my life. These are choices I made, whether consciously, reflexively, or because of what was molded to me. As we age, we become more distilled versions of ourselves.
It’s interesting to reframe things in a way with distance, with lived life, and realize that there are some things that I assumed were empirical truths that aren’t. Writing the book forced me to really slow down and consider if the story I was telling was giving me the best life… I got more out of writing this book than all the years of therapy because I wanted to be unwavering in my life. longing for my truth.
Q: In July 2020, you announced your divorce after being separated from your ex-husband and actor Clark Gregg. What was it like navigating during the pandemic?
Gray: It was a very introspective time for a lot of people. What I did know was that there was a certain grace between my ex-husband and me in breaking up. We did it with so much love and care. I’m so proud of how we navigated something that, from what I can tell in the world, usually isn’t (like this). I never liked him more. I feel enormous gratitude and love and care for him. It wasn’t like I was dealing with (something) unpleasant. The divorce is very, very, intense. The separation of lives that were once one is a very intense undertaking.
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Q: You write about Broderick undermining your career. For example, there’s a moment after the car accident where he and his camp advise you to skip the “Dirty Dancing” premieres, and before that Broderick was determined not to attend the premiere, saying, “I I’ll never sit that again.”
Gray: It’s choices that I made to have all of this information and stay – to choose a person who’s not a bad person, (a person) who loved me, who I loved, and the way those things m were expressed was acceptable to me. It tells me so much more about me than about him. It’s not for me to tell his story, except that I’m sure it comes from fear and vulnerability. When we are afraid, we say and do things that are not our highest selves. I can’t talk to him. I am not him. But I can tell you that I made those choices. I was drawn to it. I wanted to be with that. And on some level, I believed that to be true and a reflection of my worth.
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Q: Thinking back to the relationships you were in and the people you surrounded yourself with, how did that put things into perspective for you as a mother?
Gray: I think of my daughter in situations where I was a teenager, you know, long before “Dirty Dancing” or whatever. When I think of her in these situations, I find it amazing that I don’t understand how much it was going to cost me. It was a reflection of my own worth. I interpreted that as my power that I was in those situations, but it was my inability to assess how dangerous it was and how a person who puts himself in that position is not someone who really values as I would have liked to have valued myself.
Q: You also explore the relationship you had with your mother and the comments she would make about your appearance. Has this influenced your approach to motherhood?
Gray: My mother has always loved me and I have always loved my mother. And my mom, I think, like a lot of moms – we project onto our kids feelings about ourselves, and how we want to protect our kids and keep them out of harm’s way. It might manifest in a way that hurts or stings or might not be the most productive, but never in my entire life would my mother have intended to say anything to hurt me. It’s not even within the realm of possibility.
I know there is nothing more humbling than being a mother because there is nothing in the world that has ever interested me more than the way I mothered my child when she was little and now as a young woman. I make mistakes every day and constantly correct my trajectory. I am constantly aiming for the best possible result for her. Motherhood is a Sisyphean perspective because it defies perfection. It’s one of those things where you take your story and everything you’ve learned and you try to (convey) that to that being. And all you want is for them to have everything they need for their trip.
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Q: Without DWTS, you might never have known the extent of your injuries from the 1987 car crash and you wouldn’t have found out you had cancer. What was it like discovering those wounds?
Gray: I realized I loved dancing and hadn’t danced in 20 years because of my fear that people would be disappointed that I wasn’t good enough or that the girl from “Dirty Dancing” couldn’t learn fast enough. From that experience I found out that I had cancer and had it for four and a half years, but the doctor who examined my spine told me that not only should you not be in a car, but you’re lucky you’re not paralyzed. Your head hangs from your spine and that’s why you’ve been suffering for 20 years. The thing is, this reality show saved my life – a show I only did for my daughter and because Marlee Matlin told me it was a life-changing experience. It was almost like it set the ball rolling to face my fears. If I hadn’t had a bad accident and injured my neck, they wouldn’t have found the thyroid mass. So, in a way, the accident that I thought might be one of the worst things that ever happened to me saved my life.
Q: This is a big theme in your book. You write, “what if the ‘worst things’ end up being the most transformative.” Can you tell us more?
Gray: I believe in everything I’ve written about. If you were to say to me, “List the worst things that have ever happened to you.” I believe that anything that really caught my attention, like being heartbroken, being in a car accident, and being hurt, each one of them changed me. They changed me for the better, I consider these (lessons) as my teachers. I noticed that if I got through it, I could get through it now. Each of these things shaped me.
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Q: Can you tell us about the new movie “Dirty Dancing”?
Gray: I’ll be playing Baby as an adult and also working as an executive producer on the film, and I can tell you that it will involve Kellerman (Mountain House), music, dance, and romance. I am strongly and deeply committed to creating a story and a film that is its own film, that can satisfy fans’ desires while keeping the original “Dirty Dancing” intact and safe.
There is no replica, there is no replacement for Patrick. It should stand on its own and have the heart of the original.
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